There’s a complaint I get more than almost any other. People write me, and they say the same thing in a hundred different ways: I’ve listened to the great metaphysicians. I’ve read the thousand-page books. I’ve sat through the lectures. And then comes the part that matters: but I still can’t go out tomorrow and actually do anything with it. The hours spent listening, the hours spent trying to follow what these brilliant people laid out, and at the end of it, when they’re honest, they tell me it could practically be looked at as a waste of time.
I take that seriously. Because they’re right. And the reason they’re right is that almost everybody starts in the wrong place. They want to talk about the Pleiadians, about other galaxies, about beings in realms unheard of. It’s fascinating. It makes a great book. And it does absolutely nothing for the life you’re living right now. So before we ever get to will, before we get to energy, before we get to any of the work that actually changes your physical reality, we have to clear something out of the channel. We have to forgive.
I want to be precise about this because forgiveness has been deliberately made vague. The pastor, the imam, the metaphysician, they’ll all tell you to “live in your heart,” and when you ask them what that actually means, they go around it and around it, and you leave the conversation standing exactly where you started. They do this for one of two reasons. Either they don’t know the workings of the way, or they don’t want you to know. There’s no third option. So let me do the thing they won’t. Let me make it simple and direct, in four parts.
Why Forgiveness Comes Before Power
Understand what forgiveness actually is before you do it, or you’ll do it wrong.
The ego is a form of pride, and pride is the single largest thing standing between you and your ability to manifest. It’s not dramatic. It’s quiet. You step on someone’s shoe, you know you did it, and something inside you says they’re not worth an apology. That’s it. That’s the whole mechanism. That small refusal, multiplied across a lifetime, is what blocks your will from moving in the world.
And here’s what most people get backward: they think the grudge is hurting the other person. It isn’t. When somebody wronged you, and let’s be honest, sometimes it genuinely was 100% their fault, especially when you were a child and had no defense, you take that wrong, and you internalize it. You harbor it. You beat yourself up over a thing they did. You have no control over what someone did to you yesterday, and you have no control over what someone might do to you tomorrow. So why are you carrying it as if the weight were yours?
This is the part the old teachers had right, and I’ll say it as plainly as it’s ever been said:
forgiveness is perfectly selfish. It has nothing to do with the other person. Nothing. It has only to do with your peace of mind and the integrity of your own mind. You don’t forgive to release them. You forgive to release you to clear the low-frequency static of envy, anger, pity, and resentment that keeps your instrument out of tune. Because you are an instrument. Everything has a frequency, even a rock, and yours can be tuned up or tuned down. Hatred, jealousy, anger, pity, these are ultra-low frequencies, and a person who lives in them long enough starts to wear them. You can see it in their skin even when they’re eating right. That’s not poetry. That’s frequency doing what frequency does.
So forgiveness isn’t a soft virtue we do to be nice. It’s the first act of power. It’s how you put the ego in its place. Notice I said in its place, not crush it. Crush is the adversary’s word. The occult orders that want the quick route try to crush the ego through degradation, through acts that belittle and break a person, and the result is always false. It’s a band-aid over what’s really there, and the people who go that route turn bitter later in life every single time. We’re not crushing anything. We’re putting the ego where it belongs and clearing the channel so the will can move through it.
There are four people you have to forgive. In order.
One: Forgive Your Parents
Start here, because this is where most of it lives.
Almost every adult problem you can name traces back, when you follow the thread far enough, to an unwillingness or an inability to forgive a parent for something they did that hurt you. And I’m not going to insult you by pretending the hurt wasn’t real. Maybe a parent genuinely did you wrong. You were a child. You had no power in that situation, and what was done to you was their fault, no doubt about it, 100%. I’m not asking you to rewrite history or to pretend you deserved it.
But look at it now from the adult seat. From the I’m trying to master myself seat. During the years they were treating you wrong, you may have done some wronging of your own, cursed them, struck back, said things that came from your own pride and not your heart. I’m not saying you were wrong to defend yourself as a child. I’m saying, look honestly at what you, the adult, are still carrying.
Forgive them 100%. Write to them, call them, tell them to their face if you can. And if that door is genuinely closed, if the person is gone, or contact would cause more harm than healing, then forgive them in your heart, completely, where the work actually happens anyway. But forgive your parents. Until you do, every channel downstream of that wound stays clogged.
Two: Forgive Everyone Else
Then widen the circle. Forgive everyone who ever hurt you, in any way, for anything. Just let it go.
This is where the ego makes its loudest argument. I can’t forgive that person; you don’t know what they did to me. And I hear it. But go back to what forgiveness actually is. It’s selfish. It’s for you. The terrible thing that person did doesn’t get smaller or larger based on whether you hold the grudge; the only thing the grudge changes is the frequency with which you live. You’re the one carrying it around your neck. You’re the one whose instrument is detuned by it.
A woman who’s been genuinely hurt in her past learns to build a fortress around her heart so nothing can get in to wound her again. I understand the instinct. But here’s the trap nobody warns her about: the same wall that keeps the hurt out keeps the love out too. It works both ways. No expression gets in, no expression gets out. The next good man can stand there telling her the truth I love you, I won’t hurt you and it cannot penetrate, because she sealed the gate against everyone, not just against the one who wounded her. Forgiving everyone else is how you take that wall down. Not so they can hurt you again, so that you can live in your heart again, open in both directions.
Three: Forgive Yourself
This is the hardest one. Probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
Forgive yourself for every wicked, senseless, foolish, stupid thing you ever did, and you’ve done them, because every single person who ever lived has done wicked, senseless, foolish things. There are no exceptions, and the ones who pretend otherwise are the ones farthest from the way.
Most of what you need to forgive yourself for isn’t even the wrongdoing. It’s the failure to be perfect. You beat yourself up for not being perceived as perfect when there is no such thing as perfection in the first place. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and everything in this universe is in an ever-perfecting state. Think about it: a world born perfect would be a dead world. Nothing to do, nothing to build, every lawn and tree and building already finished. The whole point of being here is the perfection itself, the daily examination. Was I the best I could be today? Did I think as well as I should have? Did I work as well as I could? That nightly reflection is how you perfect yourself, and in perfecting yourself, you increase your will. You cannot do that honest self-examination while you’re still strangling yourself over yesterday.
So forgive yourself 100%. Forgive yourself for wishing you were someone else, for wanting another person’s life instead of building your own. You want to be Michael Jackson, but there’s already been a Michael Jackson. You want to be Muhammad Ali, we have one. We don’t need another. What we have never had, not once in the history of this reality, is you being fully and unapologetically yourself. That’s the thing only you can bring, and you can’t bring it while you’re busy condemning the one who’s supposed to bring it.
Four: Go and Apologize
The first three instances of forgiveness happen inside you. This one has to leave your body and walk across the room.
If you have done something to hurt someone else, go and apologize. It’s amazing, genuinely staggering, how many lives are ruined year after year, relationships that rot and never heal, all because a person didn’t have the intestinal fortitude, the plain courage, to walk up to someone and say I’m sorry. That’s it. That’s the whole missing piece in a thousand broken families. Two words nobody had the guts to say.
But say them clean. This is where the egotistical and the prideful give themselves away. They make the call, they say the words, and then somewhere in the middle of the conversation, they reverse the blame. I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have done what you did, and I wouldn’t have done this if you hadn’t. The moment you do that, you’re not apologizing, you’re prosecuting. You’ve handed the guilt right back across the table. And if that’s how your apology goes, then you’ve learned nothing yet about the outward projection of the ego, because you’re still standing in it. Apologize for your part. Full stop. Don’t reach for theirs.
I’ll tell you why this seemingly simple act is actually the heaviest lifting in the whole lesson. The instant you think of the person you need to call, the ego floods you with resentment, the old anger, they’re not worth it. That flood is the exact thing standing between you and your power, made visible. Walking through it anyway, picking up the phone anyway, is the rep that builds the muscle. Anyone who’s ever actually tried it knows. So just try it.
What Opens After
Here’s why I drill these four before anything else: before will, before energy, before a single technique that bends your physical reality.
Love is the greatest expression you can give to yourself, to another, to the universe. And it’s the most feared expression there is. Not anger, not sorrow. Those don’t frighten the adversary at all. Love does. Because love is the Creator’s own vibration, the same expression that brought existence itself into being. Anger didn’t create this reality. Despair didn’t. Love did. And every one of these four forgivenesses is, underneath, an act of clearing the debris so that love can move through you without obstruction.
You cannot live in your heart with a grudge against your mother sitting in the front room. You cannot speak from your heart while a wall stands between you and everyone who ever wronged you. You cannot do honest daily self-examination while you’re condemning yourself for being human. And you cannot walk in integrity while there’s an apology you’re too proud to make.
Each forgiveness you complete is a tuning of the instrument, a clearing of one more ultra-low note, until the channel is finally open and your will, your real, divine, ever-creating will, has somewhere clean to flow.
So this is the work. Not someday. This week.
Forgive your parents. Forgive everyone else. Forgive yourself. And go make the apology you’ve been avoiding. Do them in that order, do them completely, and don’t move past them until they’re done because everything else I have to teach you about power runs through the channel these four forgivenesses clear.
That’s your lesson. Now go and do it, and tell me what happened when you did.
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Thank you for explaining the importance of forgiveness to enable reconciliation and trapped emotions. Prior to reading this article I was working with various cliche methods to release trapped emotions. Such as talk therapy, journaling and enforcing boundaries. My therapist even suggested that cutting off toxic people was the only solution (I cut off nearly everyone). However these common practices were ineffective. I believe as we advance spiritually our methodologies must advance. For years my go to was a spiritual prayer and bath. That was no longer working so I began egg cleansing. The constant egg cleansing became counterproductive because the problem was deeper (I was forced to face myself). Just a few days ago I went back to ETF tapping randomly. This is where I got a serious release of stagnant emotions.(Try closer to the full moon for better results, hence the full moon is about releasing) Day one I felt clearer and more aligned. Day two my toddler became more clingy (this is when I know my cleansing is complete/ working). I also had a hour long crying session and released more trapped emotions that night. I had started talking back to my parents a week prior and realized that “every person is a teacher” in our lives rather good or bad. I’ve also came to the conclusion that keeping the heart pure is essential for longevity and creativity. The Egyptians believed our hearts must be light as a feather in order to enter the afterlife. This wisdom is what helps me. I hope this helps anyone struggling with the art of forgiveness. It truly is an art to be able to forgive and live in your true power. (Eckhart Tolle “The power of Now” is a great book)
~Amira